Marriage! Marriage! Marriage! How long should we wait, study, or courtship before saying I do?

There is no specific time that can be attributed into completely knowing anyone. As humans, our behavior changes based on our circumstances in life. Let’s face it,  we can’t even claim on knowing ourselves needless to talk of a complete stranger. Only God have that claim on all of us, that is because He sees far beyond the outward or physical appearance. But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7. This explains our constant mood swings, attitudes, silence treatments etc. We as mortals, encounter difficulties just trying to decide on our own likes or interest. Marriage is a beautiful thing and one that should be looked into with clear eyes before making any life long decisions. Without God it is impossible/uncertain for any marriage to succeed. The idea of bringing two different, not perfect, opposite personalities to live, perform and act as one without killing each other is unheard of. Something only the Almighty can pull!

According to Family Research Council, Marriage is a covenant, a sacred bond between a man and a woman instituted by and publicly entered into before God and normally consummated by sexual intercourse. God’s plan for the marriage covenant involves at least the following five vital principles: permanent, sacred, intimate, mutual and exclusive. “ Looking for a partner to share, hold and love, shouldn’t be as difficult as getting into Yale or Harvard. But it can be. If we plan on leaning on our own understanding, instead of surrendering and allowing God to carry our burden, struggles, and frustrations and do what is good and perfect for each one of us – then it can lead to a difficult partnership and not so happy ending. The world we live in today is getting smaller and smaller because God is on the move and people are on the move more than ever before. We all have different ways of looking for love. You might meet your partner in person, arranged, internet, or long distance. And you can courtship in a day, month or years – the length of time does not guarantee the longevity of the marriage. No two relationships are the same. What would work for ‘A’ might not work for ‘B’ and vice versa. Some people were already destined to be together and no amount of time or distance can prevent that from happening. All they needed is the right opportunity or connection to seal or finalize the deal.  What will be, will be! Sometimes it might take longer than expected, but patience is always a game changer, so stop sweating and start believing. Also, you have to position yourself to prosper. You have to make the right preparations, so that when the opportunity arises, you just grab it.

Take for example myself, while residing in Atlanta I met my husband through a mutual friend of ours over a phone conversation. Mind you, before this man came into my life, I was already fasting and praying for God’s guidance in this matter. So I was willing to get up and leave everything behind regardless of the location. After acquainting ourselves over the phone for about twelve days, he invited me to Canada with an air ticket. We both talked about not wanting to date. Instead, settling down was what we were leaning towards – and that was exactly what we did. The first week for us was like years for other couples when discussion like family/career goals and other important subjects are discussed. We were both done with school, all we had to focus on was the number of kids we wanted to have. Ladies, not all men are players, deceivers, or opportunist – some men in their twenties or younger do want to settle down. Not all come for a reason or season, some actually come for a lifetime – is up to you to put a keen ear towards what he is saying and not what you want to believe or want him to say. ¨Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4.20180708_121516

I had no idea my visit to Canada was a surprised civil ceremony. I knew it was God’s doing in my life, so I needed not to question. When He knocks, we have to be willing to open the door at the first knock because sometimes opportunities hardly knock twice. To cut matter short, I got married to my husband after two weeks of acquainting ourselves over the phone or courtship. Needless to say it was surreal for most of my family members who thought it was a joke and unrealistic. But if you know me well enough, you would know I am hard headed and don’t go by people’s decision in my life. However, I do take to wise counsel, but leave the utmost decision to the Almighty. I allow my faith to lead me and not my fears.  Some even wonder why I would live America for Canada just in the name of love. We have to be willing to take chances and move past our comfort zone to really see what is at or beyond the border. What is in a place or it’s name? Is insignificant if what we seek is not available to us? Love is not in a place rather in a person – and wherever your heart desire is, that is where you should be as well. No amount of money can give us the love, joy, peace, happiness and satisfaction we deserve, so follow your heart. When you grow up with limited love, you would risk all for unlimited love. Don’t let your past predicament prevent you from living the life God has intended for you. Let go and let God lead!

There is somebody out there for everybody. Where, when and how you find it does not matter, but whom you choose to marry can make a significant difference or cause everlasting trauma in your life. We all need love or want to be loved in more ways than one, but our ideas of the perfect partner can we wacky, unrealistic and out of this world at times. Stop being judgmental! We all have a past – good or bad so we should never judge people based on their past, but we should give them an opportunity to show their true selves and make analysis as we go along. When in a relationship, please do unravel the mask, weave/wig, fake nails, teeth, contacts, eyelashes, and excess makeup. Show your true self to prevent any future surprises – real men like real women. And if he does like what he sees, then let him put a ring on it. Stop giving room for spectators to make recommendation on your relationship. You have the final say. After all, you would be the one to live with them. To add, enough with the lies, people!!. If your intention is to live with this person you should as well be truthful from the onset. Is better to remain single than to miss it in marriage!

Love is not supposed to hurt or jail you. It is supposed to make you blossom not jilted, bitter or wither. Most times, our instinct sense danger even before our eyes spot the disaster, but we seem to reject it because of our own selfish ambitions – hoping for a miracle change to occur overnight. But mind you, we can never change anyone who doesn’t want to change. Only God can allow a true change to manifest in them. All we can do is change ourselves for the better and maybe our life can have an impact on them. We are only as good as our next encounter, so be on the lookout for your next stop which is love, marriage and happiness street – where your true love is patiently waiting for you.


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