Confession of an Extrovert

My life has been a drag ever since I found out that our work from home has been prolonged because of increased Covid cases. I feel so unproductive, lazy and more like a slob in my personal life. Am I alone in this? Or am I losing my sanity or gradually fading? I refuse to believe so because certain external forces can easily trigger a person’s inability to function at a normal pace. Is hard to process the thought that my home has become my work & vice versa. It was hard enough bringing work home, now I have to accept the fact that work is always home? I guess my personal life is not processing this thought well, so it feels like an attack or a war is being waged between my personal and work life. I am ambitious and there are things I intend to do for myself that do not necessarily involve work, but since there are certain restrictions in place because of the Covid pandemic, there is so little to accomplish with the same excitement and productive outcome. I want to be free to travel, to go and come as I please; presently, Freedom is missing. Galatians 5: 1. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery”.

The not so normal atmosphere gradually takes a toll on us, it creeps in like a wildfire and before we know it, it gradually sweeps everything along its path and affects our mood, countenance and judgement – then we begin to settle, compromising our true values, desires, purpose for an OK life style. What I am trying to say is, as much as we want to pretend or act like the dealings of the world does not affect us, it actually does as long as we are still residents of mother earth. On most days I am good, because I turn to cloud my mind with songs of praise, scriptures, meditation, or as Philippians 4:8, puts it “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things”.

On other occasions, no matter how much I try to hold on to the faith I seemingly possess, I just can’t stand straight, I just keep getting knocked down. Something seems to be missing, the spark, the jumping off the couch like Tom Cruise, the edge to be pushful, the I-can-do-it-all attitude has been tampered with and left with doing just the bare minimum. After an eight hour shift from home, all I want to do is cozy up on the couch and watch movies while snacking on unhealthy chips, or if I want to be useful, help my kids with their school work. Where is my WILL POWER? 2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  I am saying this because I know who I am and how agile I used to be before Covid and all the other externalities.  There is so much happening at once, no time to think or strategies, or to allow the happenings to sink in before another hits. My God and my Lord, what are you trying to show me/us, is this another test in my Christian faith? I am in this space and place that is choking the life out of me and turning me into something or someone I am not. I am a socialite and having conversations with people, hand shakes, hugging, being closer than six feet, genuine interactions are missing – that is what I am craving for and missed dearly, and to think is going to get worse is frightening, scary and alarming at the same time. 

Notwithstanding, I am grateful, humble and ecstatic to have a job in this unpredictable time and with all the charade happening in our society. Regardless, not every solution is a remedy for everyone, as I have come to realize, working from home doesn’t suit my personality type – extrovert. As much as I hate the cold weather, I will trade it anyday for a confinement lifestyle. Personally, there is a different feeling that comes with dressing up and going out, I can totally relate to the frustration my daughter felt when she first heard there will be no in person classes – that child cried for hours and even asked me if she could summon God. Kudos to all the parents who have opted for online learning – allow their kids to learn from home. An applaud goes to all our marvelous teachers in all facets of life, who are risking it all to satisfy parents like myself. Truth be told, I almost lost it when they were forced to stay home for three months. It wasn’t any easier for my kids too, their metabolism screams for outdoors, so we allow them to go and face their future head on by being confident and hopeful that their heavenly Father will protect and watch over them. Afterall, they are His to begin with, we are only caretakers. Romance 5:5 “And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us”.

Life is about being true to oneself, knowing what works for you and sticking with it, and having a sense of self fulfillment. Don’t allow the world to dictate to you on how you should live – minus Covid, you know YOU, your foundation, background, belief, and lifestyle. Our differences should bring out the uniqueness in us and shouldn’t be compared to another because no two situations are the same. Our differences should be celebrated, not discouraged – that is the power of inclusiveness and thus brings out our best attributes. We cannot all be the same neither should we cling to the same things. We have to follow our hearts and allow our inner abilities to flourish without giving room for our shortcomings, which will in the long run overshadow our potentials.  Whatever frustration you are experiencing, remember you are not alone and talking or writing about it does wonders, at least is a great strategy for me – once is jotted down, the rest is history. Psalm 34:8 “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him”.

Despite the fact that we are not in an ideal situation, it is only fair to recognize that we are better than some. Ecclesiastes 9:4 puts it like this“ Anyone who is among the living has hope–even a live dog is better off than a dead lion”. That sums my reasoning to never stop living rather, strive for perfection and ensure the zeal in everything I do never runs out, fades or becomes complacent. I am not ashamed to say I love my kids as much as I love life and my neighbors as much as I love myself. This enables me to keep my sanity, mental health, spirituality and physical health in check. God is in Control! You are Able! & You are Enough! Job 7:9 puts it like this “As a cloud vanishes and is gone, so one who goes down to the grave does not return”. Let’s make Life worth Living, Give Living more meaning, & remember, Life is worth Living when you have a Purpose…So join me in this quest!

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Bapi Ramatu says:

    Congratulations

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    1. Thanks dear, is only fair to let others know they are not alone in this. 🤓

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  2. J TE says:

    Thanks for sharing your heart. For the introvert it can be just as challenging given you did choose the conditions. Completely relatable piece.

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    1. Hi JTE, you are so right! Anything that is against one’s will is never an ideal situation. And our brains process it differently with a negative impact by pushing back to look for a way out.

      Is good to know we are not alone in this, and having these conversations is healthy for our mental health. And a great beginning for a successful outcome, on how we can begin to help each other.

      Thanks JTE for your contribution. These are the talks I would like to here and have.

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  3. Caroline T says:

    You and I both find a crossed path here! I see myself through this lines! You are the mirror that reflects my heart, my inner part, the true me🧘🏾‍♀️

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    1. Wow Caroline, you couldn’t have analyze it any better than this. I am glad I am not in this alone, and by sharing our shortcomings we are liberating ourselves.

      Allowing the world to know they are not alone in this, and we can all be a support system in difficult times no matter the circumstances.

      Thanks for always being that person I can count on. No matter the distance, I know we can always pick-up where we left of. Is a great feeling. Take care, stay safe stay healthy.

      Like

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